Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

So, you all remember a few days ago when I wrote complaining about how the Scary Stories series decided to change artists for their 30th anniversary edition.  Gammel's work is amazing, yet now, cannot be purchased new anywhere on-line.  I looked at every retailer I could find, and discovered that HarperCollins has discontinued the editions that feature Gammel's work.  Therefore, in protest, I'm offering all the books for download.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark
More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark
Scary Stories 3: More Tales to Chill Your Bones

Obamapocalypse

So I've been depressed for the last little bit, but I finally found something today to make me smile.  This campaign ad is AWESOME- if you're a democrat- I mean, if you're a republican it makes you look like you don't know the difference between an election and the rapture, but if you're a democrat, it's FUCKING EPIC!!!  It's got so many of my favorite features!

Loss of jobs in the creepy little arian kid department; which, I'm only assuming is a continuation of the trend that began with Sadoku and has been steadily continuing with other minorities getting our creepy little kid jobs, such as the creepy little boy from Lost, the creepy little boy from Heroes, and the creepy little girl who turns out to actually be a killer little person who's only PRETENDING to be a creepy little girl- can't remember the name of that movie, but anyway, you get my point.  To long have those Village of the Damned or Poltreguist kids taken all of our creepy kid jobs.  That shit is set to be phased out within the next 2 years, hopefully through some kind of creepy kid Affermitive Action law or some shit.

Look, if you know me in the really real world, this is something I have genuinely bitched about for years.  As a child, I really wanted to be a creepy kid.  I enjoyed, as many kids who grow up to be alterna-teens and then "goth" adults, the macabre, from, you know, things kids consider macabre like Are You Afraid of the Dark to reading the Complete Works of Edger Allen Poe in kindergarten (true story, Accelerated Reading bullshit) but there was a problem.  No one in their right mind would fear me.  The average frightening child looked like this:

Whereas I, looked like this

In my defense, the Little Mermaid was huge at the time.

The only kids who came anything close to looking like me, was I THINK, and I'm not for sure, that the creepy twins from The Shining were brunettes, but they were ok, because they were twins.  Were they not twins, they never would have gotten that role, it would have went to a blond, and YOU KNOW IT.  So anyway, yes, we're gaining ground, if this commercial can be considered correct.

My second favorite part of the commercial is the guy. He seems to be very confused as to how gas pumps works, or, he couldn't get his hands on a gun and intends to soak himself and then light a match.  The latter would be cool to watch, because anyone who's so lazy that having to drive a little less prompts suicide doesn't really need to be here anyway- he's just dragging the gene pool down.  And if he DOES think that it's going to kill him, then he'll be in for quite a shock when all that happens is he smells horrible.  There's no way to stop the smell.  Scrub all you want, you still smell like gas.  And you'll have to burn that outfit.  Look at him!!  I love this guy!  He's right up there with the propeller guy from Titanic as one of those deaths that you'll feel horrible laughing at, but you just can't stop yourself.  This poor dumbass!

So anyway, what will the president say when he sees this video?  Probably something along what the rest of the world said.

Something like...

Gwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Blog #1

Alright, I'm not gonna lie, I have a really bad track record with blogs.  Every time I create one, the poor thing lives a great life for a few months, and then died from neglect, rotting away in cyberspace like a comet- not Haley's, but one that no one really gives a shit about.  This is just as good a place as any to post my whereabouts and work, for anyone who may possibly give said shit, so that I may be fertile and grow from them, like those mushrooms that everyone loves.  Ask Mario.  He knows what I'm talking about.

Alright- now, here's my first bitch.  Where the hell did my subculture go?  Where is everyone I used to know and love.  From personal aquantinces, who I now only see over Facebook, who made high school bearable and college fucking great, are gone from my everyday experiences as we float through adulthood in veils of misery that are completely devoid of parties that started at one person's house and spilled over then entire apartment complex, where we would critique the paint-by-number Last Supper my brother got me, with all the symbolism of the one on the wall in Europe, the curoscuro that the copycat got right- to the famous artists who inspired me to create; Miyamoto's in retirement, Vasquez is- WTF is Mr. Scolex doing, directing live action or some shit?- McFarlane hasn't put out a decent comic since SPAWN- no more NightMares & FairyTales, no more Gloom Cookie, or Johnny, everything seems a shell of it's former self.  I refuse to believe that this is because we've grown up.  We still play Zelda, Pokemon continues to fly off the shelf, Miyazaki is still amazing.  But we haven't seen anything new and original and gritty like, say, Maxx in ages.  What are we doing?

We're still just as filled with angst as we once were.  We can still buy, beg, borrow, or steal black eyeliner that looks just as good on the lips.  We can still buy furniture upholstery fabric to make corsets and boots.  We can still live, rather then fade into the limelight.

I feel very 14 writing this.  And that made me think of Emily the Strange.  I know that she's just a rip off of Rosaline from Nate the Great- but when I was 13-14, I absolutely LOVED Emily- I think I still have some of the T-shirts and socks and whatnot.  She embodied everything that I already was somehow, a loner, a bitch, a scientist, and an animal lover.  But I never quite had the money to buy all her things, and as commercialism set in, and Reger gained more and more success, I became estranged from the whole thing in the way that you stopped shopping at Hot Topic when you realized that they were selling jeans and internet meme tank tops.  But I think I was wrong.  It was my apathy, ironically a trait that Emily and her ink encouraged, that led to my subculture's downfall.  It is for this reason, among others, that I present to you my newest patterns, for free, as thanks for all of you being there with me- watching the rise and fall of our outer selves, who may want to do something about it, to preserve our culture, if nothing else, then for our children- so that when they watch Repo Madness, they know that a distopia is nearly upon us; and we saw it coming.